If you are reading this, I’d love your prayers. I’m extremely dizzy and faint. Part of the reason why I’m writing is to try and keep my mind conscious. But I wanted to stop bumming you out and end the week by recounting the good moments that shone a light into the darkness.
On Monday, one of our ministers came over to pray and sing with us. After all of my terrible dreams, it was a God-send to have someone pray over us, our house, and our sleep. I truly appreciate everyone’s prayers.
I received an email on the evening of my worst day that I had been selected to be on the launch team for Susie Larson’s new book, Fully Alive. I have followed Susie on Facebook ever since I found out she has battled Lyme disease. But what’s even more amazing is that this book seems to be just what I need right now. How perfect is this? Check out the description:
“In this eye-opening book, Susie Larson shows how intertwined our emotional, spiritual, and physical health are. Spiritual difficulties can have physical consequences, and physical illnesses can have emotional and even spiritual ramifications. So in order for true healing to occur, it must happen holistically–mind, body, and spirit.
Providing a fresh vision of what a flourishing life is, Susie shares practical, biblical ways to
· replace defeating thoughts with redemptive ones
· overcome stress and embrace God’s peace
· deal with the ‘I can’ts’ embedded in our souls
· trade unhealthy habits for new life-giving practices
We cannot keep ignoring the mental and/or emotional symptoms that are trying to get our attention. Fully Alive is an uplifting guide for anyone who longs to know the health, freedom, and wholeness that Jesus wants for us.” I pray that I can take this book to heart.
Something I still can’t wrap my head around is that there are people who, no matter how hard I try to make them give up on me, just will not do it. Maybe some day I’ll be able to operate in unconditional love like them. I can only pray that God grows me in love and grace.
Last but certainly not least, we have been speaking the name of Jesus in this house right and left, morning and night. Jason has been fighting hard for me, and that is what I need. When I absolutely do not have the strength to fight for myself, I am so grateful for the people who don’t stop fighting for me. We have been praying for the Holy Spirit to fill our house, to protect us while we sleep. And when we wake up in the night, we pray. And in the morning before Jason goes to work, we pray. Last night Jason prayed over my mind, heart, and body. I used to feel peace when someone was praying but for awhile now I have just felt numb. But last night as Jason was praying for God to calm the storm in my mind, to remove the confusion in Jesus’ name, to reign over my thoughts, I actually believed He could do it. Of course, prior to this, I KNEW He could do it, but there’s a difference between knowing and believing. It’s hard to get a broken, cloudy brain to pray, let alone believe. I was no longer numb and going through the motions of prayer. I believed God was hearing us and I believed that He was there. Prayer has been so important to me this week and I am grateful to the people offering theirs to me.
Please keep fighting for me. I need you more than you realize. At this moment, my symptoms have me pretty panicked so, when you read this, please speak the name of Jesus over me. I know… and I believe… that He can calm the storm in me.
Song I’m feeling:
“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
There’s just something about that Name
Master, Savior, Jesus
Like the fragrance after the rain
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Let all heaven and earth proclaim
Kings and kingdoms will all pass away
But there’s something about that Name.”