I Bleed Publicly

You may wonder why I bleed publicly. It’s not that I enjoy it. Oh my, no. Often I put it ‘out there’ and want desperately to clean it up before anyone sees. Sometimes, I try.

But that’s the point: so everyone sees. I actually shuddered typing that.

If there’s one thing I know about my life, I bleed publicly because I’m supposed to. I don’t know if everyone is, but I am. When God tells you to do something, you do it. It’s like “a fire shut up in my bones” (Jer 20:9). I couldn’t keep it to myself if I tried.

I did try. Many years, I tried. Many years I bled internally… and I’m still living with the destruction. Privacy was my goal, perfectionism my idol, control its ugly sister.

If I didn’t talk about it, it was under control. And, it was… until there was nowhere else to go. And then, oh, the hemorrhaging! I still haven’t recovered from it.

So, now I lay down my idols. I may feel vulnerable, but at least I feel lighter. There is much less pressure.

I bleed publicly so no one else has to die privately.

“Me too” are two of the most comforting words in life. It’s okay not to be okay. Look at me. I’m a mess, but I’m God’s beautiful mess.
You have permission to bleed too. I’m here with you. God’s here with us.

I bleed publicly because… well… maybe someday someone will reach over and stop it. That’s God’s job but I can’t resist the urge to try. When it feels too much, we all just need a little help sometimes… loving hands pressed to open wounds.

Thank you for your hands.

The flow probably won’t stop until we’re Home. Life has too many hurts. That’s okay. It has an awful lot of beauty too. Beauty in the healing, beauty in the fiery bones, beauty in the laying down, beauty in the hands, and beauty in the flow.

Oh, precious is the Flow.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

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Author: Karina Baker

Hello, my dear friends! Glad to see you here. Thank you for reading about my beautiful rubble - my struggles with life, faith, and autoimmunity. Feel free to share your stories in the comments. My love and prayers to all of you!

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